top of page
  • Writer's pictureDrew Dotson

What if my dog’s penis lands me a publisher?

"What if my dog’s penis lands me a publisher?" That thought had never crossed my mind — or anyone’s, I’d guess — until this week. Last weekend, while I vacationed to Asheville, the dogs took a trip to daycare. After returning to town Sunday and picking them up, I noticed that Benny, the little guy, had a swollen penis, his little guy. I texted a few phallic photos to dog-savvy friends as I tried to determine the appropriate level of concern. The consensus was to put on the cone of shame — or, in his case, the donut — and see how things looked the next morning.

Come Monday (things were not alright), Benny seemed very uncomfortable. He couldn’t sit still and was doing a bit of flailing in what appeared to be an attempt to relieve his discomfort. I called Benny’s regular vet to ask if he could be seen, but there was no availability. So, to the emergency vet we went. I won’t go into too much detail, but, as I sat curbside, the vet called and mentioned a few things like "lube" and getting it "back in place." After some monitoring, Benny was green lighted to return home. Once he got in the car, I snapped a photo of him to commemorate the absurdity of the penis-capade.

On Tuesday, aware of Monday's events, two of my freelance clients asked about the status of Benny’s penis. As I reflected on the funniness of it all, I decided to tweet about Benny’s member mishap. The only time I’ve ever gotten much action (!) on Twitter was when former Falcons wide receiver Julio Jones retweeted me. But who needs Football Julio when I’ve got Ballless Benny? Before I knew it, the wien-ergency tweet had surpassed 1,000 likes.

When I woke up Wednesday morning and saw the tweet approaching 2,000 likes, I thought, "Dang, I hope some of these people see my plea for publishing connections." After thinking on it, I decided to tweet an update on Benny and Benny Jr. with a shameless plug linking people to my blog post about literary agents and publishers. As of this morning, my Benny-book combo tweet had more than 40 retweets and 700 likes. For those of you (Hi, Mom!) unfamiliar with Twitter, let’s just say that’s impressive.

This week, I've found myself thinking how funny it would be if Benny’s twig (no berries) somehow landed me a new publisher. I’ll admit, given how my life has gone, it wouldn’t shock me whatsoever. (Did you know I once dislocated my collarbone playing corn hole? Or that Ashton Kutcher sent me flowers when I graduated from college?) Plus, Ramón would be so proud that Benny’s kickstand — as Ramón called it — was getting so much attention.

Who knows what might happen? If you’re on Twitter, help a girl out (@drewdotson) by sharing our knob story. You never know when the right opportunity might ding-dong at the door.

1 Comment

Mar 26, 2022

It’s far too amusing to me that you, in the midst of Poor Benny’s member, still have a sign up for notifications that says “Sign me up so hard”. Is that what happened to poor Benny?

bottom of page